1. |
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LOVE'S ALWAYS A MISUNDERSTANDING BY TINA MARSHALL
She'd been planning her wedding for 30 odd years
the dress & the shoes & the cake & the tears
when her 40s started to loom
oh dear she thought ive forgotten a groom!
he'd been planning his single life for 30 odd years
the tv the sofa the takeaways the beers
now that his 40s started to loom
all he wanted to do was rent out his spare room
so she posted an ad
in the paper for free
Groom wanted it said
but they missed off the G
he rang her up
said ive got what you need
hey come round take a look
she thought wow!... she agreed!
she liked what she saw
he was dark he was slim
& she nearly passed out
when he said “when d'ya wanna move in?”
Loves is always a misunderstanding
I thought I was flying
but I was crash landing
love always gets scrambled in translation
I thought I was flying
to some hot destination
but the guy you thought was the pilot of your dreams
cant even fly a bloody kite it seems
(c) tina marshall 2011
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2. |
bad girl
03:49
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Bad Girl
I’ve been a bad girl
I cant seem to to be good,
I do want you to love me
I wish that you could,
so I’m writing a song
to make you happy,
full of things you like
so you’ll sing it with me
"Gin in big bottles
& choclates & fags
nasty boyfriends& bruises
jewelry & fashion mags"
Now you havent been home
for a day & I think,
you dont like my song
cos theres not enuff drink,
so I’m changing the chorus
the bit we both sing,
for more screaming & drinking
& swearing & things
"Gin in big bottles
& choclates & fags
nasty boyfriends & bruises
jewelry & fashion mags"
Mum I know you dont love me
I’m sure that you tried,
but the cupboards are empty
& the goldfish have died,
I’m putting a fairy
into my song,
to magic a happy ending
from where its gone wrong
"Gin in big bottles
& choclates & fags
nasty boyfriends & bruises
jewelry & fashion mags"
(c) tina marshall 2012
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3. |
mrs alphabet's 26 kids
03:31
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Mrs Alphabets 26 kids
She saw his surname in the phonebook
& thought oooh id like to marry Jim
I'd be Mrs Alphabet
& I could have 26 kids by him
she rang him up & asked him out
& got him into bed
by the time the first one arrived
they were already wed
Alan brenda charlie dolly
ellie frankie gerry holly
ian johnny kate & lenny
michael nancy ollie penny
16 down just 10 to go
her resolve began to grow
It wasnt all plain sailing
Jim ran out of fizz
behind his back she slept with Jack
the next 3 were not his
Queenie robert susie tom
una viv will xena yvonne
she only needed just 1 more
& she'd have the full score
she laid down in the labour ward
said thankyou to the gods
“Mrs Alphabet, it looks like your all set”
& then she produced quads!
DAMN!
No I'm Mrs Alphabet , 29s no use!
she screamed & shouted
swore & pouted
the gods got the abuse.
Jim came in to see her
she laid there full of woe
“Ive thought it thru & in my view
3 have got to go!"
Alan brenda charlie dolly
ellie frankie gerry holly
ian johnny kate & lenny
michael nancy ollie penny
29 must be decreased
which 3 do I like the least?
(c) tina marshall 2011
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4. |
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the girl whos fingers got stuck in her ears
My mind is full of nasty things
hiding from the world
my mother chased them in there
when I was a little girl
theyve lived in there so long
theyve interbred with my brain cells
ii dont know why she left them there
cos I'm not a naughty girl
I got my index fingers
& poked them in my ears
to push the nasties out
& make my head all clear
but the nasties grabbed them tightly
wouldnt let me pull them away
so dont tell me that im bad
cos I cant hear a word you say
now mum has to feed me
& help me change my clothes
mum can you come quickly
you need to blow my nose
if only you hadnt called me
all those awful names
mum you are so silly
you only got yourself to blame
I wish my mind was full of lovely things
the loveliest in the world
like perfume & expensive clothes
makeup, jewellery, pearls
I would be so happy
if they befriended my brain cells
my fingers might slip out
& I might be a lovely girl
(c) tina marshall 2011
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5. |
end of the rainbow
03:20
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The End of the Rainbow
He could only say he loved her
on the end of of a phone,
distance made him brave
he never brought his heart home,
at the end of the line then
was the best it would be,
at the end of the rainbow
there’s a pot of cold tea
They married for some reason
that neither could remember,
they'd wanted July
but they got grey November,
honeymooned in the rain
in a fading B&B,
at the end of the rainbow
there's a pot of cold tea
She thought about leaving
but it upset her,
she knew that she'd never
get anything better,
now she just lives
that he might ring on his phone,
& tell her he loves her
before he comes home
He’s got his soccer
she’s got her geegees & booze
his team never win
her horses always lose
He could only say he'd left her,
on the end of a phone,
distance made him brave
he never came home,
at the end of the line
I'm afraid it was me,
at the end of the rainbow
there’s a pot of cold tea
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6. |
my toy phone
02:06
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My toy phone
God came to my birthday party
& he took my mum away
I rang him on my new toy phone
every single day
but he was never in
I just wanted to say
God your sposed to bring a present
not take something away
my daddy he met a lady
& she took him away
I rang him on my toy phone
every single day
but he was never in
I just wanted to say
daddy wherever you are
i'll never throw my toy phone away
© tina marshall 2011
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7. |
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She walked down the aisle
with red hair & matches
they had one year of fire
& 20 years of ashes
love was like a wedding present
they forgot to open
they seemed to have no clue
that something was broken
so they sat there for years
just watching the box
not saying a word
but she was watching the clocks
on their 21st anniversary
she got out the matches
& burned down the bedroom
& laid in the ashes
& for a whole year
he nursed her & fed her
& she saw that he loved her
& he saw why he wed her
12 months & she died
& he had her cremated
& he sat with the urn
& the telly & waited
& he talked to the urn
as they watched the box
but this time he kept
an eye on the clocks
She came with red hair
& a box of matches
they had 1 year of fire
& 20 years of ashes
(c) tina marshall 2013
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gerrybhoy Edinburgh, UK
singerysongwritery type individual a natural born weegieburger and lover of black country dogs
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